How to Be Seduced — or Endlessly Charmed by Your Life.
The first step? It’s all about Attention. Where is yours focused?
Quick! Think of someone you find charming or even seductive. It could be a celebrity — Oprah, anyone? It could be a fictional character (anyone else find Klaus or Elijah on the Originals pretty damn seductive?). Or it could be someone you know. Maybe that incredible coworker that everyone just seems to love.
Now, think about it… What makes them charming? Is it their ability to be well-spoken? Or is it their impeccable sense of style? Maybe it’s their authority or the presence they have. Guess what? It’s none of that.
After all, we all know wealthy people or well-spoken people or even fashionable people who are not charming. So what is it?
It’s the way they pay attention to the other person that is so flattering, charming and even seductive. The charming person acts as if they have all the time in the world, and you are the most important and most interesting person to them.
Oprah gives her full attention to the person she’s interviewing. She wants to understand them and so she listens carefully to them. Klaus on the Originals is mesmerized by Cami. He finds her fascinating and can’t look away. That coworker of yours, she takes the time to listen to other people and ask questions that reveal that she is paying attention. She knows when someone’s grandma died and asks them about it. She knows when you went to your cousin’s wedding over the weekend and she wants to know how it went.
That’s charm! It’s all about where you put your attention. So if you want to be seduced by your own life, — if you want to be endlessly charmed by your world — you need to put your attention back on your own life.
Too often we spend all of our time, energy and awareness focusing on other people and their lives. We worry about our husbands and how they eat. We fret over our kids’ science projects. We micro-manage our colleagues at work believing we have to be the one to oversee everything.
But when we are so focused on other people and their problems we stop seeing our own lives. We render our own lives invisible, and what you don’t even see has no power to seduce you. If you want a charmed life, you have to start by becoming aware of the life you have.
How do we do this? We start by letting people solve their own problems while we focus on the only life we can change, our own. Start small. Grab a notebook and pen. Every morning put 10 minutes aside. Set the timer on your phone. Spend ten minutes thinking about what you want:
- What’s missing from your life?
- What did you used to LOVE doing that you no longer have time for?
- What do you desire?
- What are you curious about?
- What do you wish you knew how to do?
- What’s one place you wish you had visited?
I don’t even want you to focus on fixing the problems or acting on what you’ve learned. I just want you to start to notice. Just for 10 minutes. After that you can go back to worrying about the kids, your husband, your coworkers, your mother.
But by doing this for 10 minutes every morning you start to train your mind to bring your attention back to you and your life. And you start to pay attention to what you need and want.
That’s it! Easy, right? Next week I’ll show you how to take it even further, with step 2.
See you then,